What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

Do you reside at 1234 X X Lane?

Do what? Officer, I'm sorry I have no kids of my own, and I don't know anybody by that name.

I'm sorry to bother you, my staff just told me our guy corrected his information and had a number off for his home phone. Have a good day. Hangs up.

Any straight men had a gay experience in the past? What was it and how did you feel?

HELLO

Sure no problem officer.

Long pause, OK. (Inaudible talking). Could you hang on for just a sec?

Why is every human messed up in some way?

Hi this is Sargent Moss from the County detention center. Is this Sean?

After a few moments he returns.

No sir I sure don't, I live in the next city over.

Even Captain James T. Kirk was trapped in a woman's body. Don't you think he'd support trans people?

I was trying to reach out to you because we have a Mr X here, who claims you are his legal guardian. He needs you to come down and sign some forms.

Yes sir it is.

ATTENTION SPIKES UP. What could he want with me? Did I do something wrong? Lord did I forget to pay something? Questions start flying through my head. What would the detention center sheriff want with me?

Why do people mourn when their leaders lose elections? Is it common for people to cry over events that are out of their control?

Is your number (xxx) xxx-xxxx??

Whew, not in trouble!! But someone named Sean with a similar number is apparently about to have a rather bad day.

I hear a pause on the line, it goes quiet for a few seconds.

Can you show pictures of your penis, big or small?

{RING} {RING}

Looks at phone, sees a number local to me, so I answered.